I found my tribe


tribe |trīb|noun 1. a social division in a traditional society consisting of families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture and dialect, typically having a recognized leader : indigenous Indian tribes | the Celtic tribes of Europe. Source: Apple dictionary.

I have found my people. More specifically, my “moms.” I am an older mom, I had my first and only child at the young age of 41. Which puts me in an odd place. Moms of first children my son’s age are about 10 years younger than I am. But moms that are my age have kids somewhere in their late teens or beyond.

But thanks to my dear friend, Lindsey Murphy (whom I think is the leader of said tribe), I have found moms that are my age AND have kids my son’s age. These moms have more than one child, and consequently are closer to my age which means they think more like me. That and they are what my husband calls “co-op” moms.

Co-op moms are by definition moms (or dads as the case may be) who spend a part of each month working in their child’s classroom. At our school, Discovery Tree, it is a requirement.

What I’ve learned or experienced rather, is that these co-op moms really do become the village that raises your kids. Because we moms spend time with the kids each month, we get to know them on a deeper level. We become invested in their well-being. And, not ironically, we moms (and dads) become closer to each other by default.

To come back to my declaration of finding my tribe, I mean that I am more “old school” in raising my son. I do not worry about him eating dirt, hugging his teachers, or playing naked in the backyard with his friends (who may or may not be naked). I have found that these co-op moms, even the younger mothers, think the same way. We are linked by a common culture of beliefs in child rearing.

We are also linked by our socio-economic standing. My tribe moms have, at a minimum, a four year degree, worked at their career before having children and chose motherhood as their next career. Don’t get me wrong, some mothers still work at their careers, but they are careers – not part time gigs of interest. These moms juggle work, preschool, and playtime without the help of a nanny.

These women are my tribe.

Not because I judge the mothers who do it differently, but because these mothers are like me. These mothers believe the best place for kids to play and learn social skills is in the backyard with their friends.

Tribe moms focus their time at home with kids running in and out the door, dripping popsicles in hand as opposed to running around from gym-time to music sing-alongs to play-dates at the mall. Rather, a tribe mom encourages the love of music by impromptu concerts with dancing, lip-syncing and costume changes. Tribe moms cheer for the kid quick or nimble enough to dodge the mud bomb or hose wielding naked screaming banshee in the outdoor gym, aka backyard.

This is how I grew up and I loved it. I want my son to be able to do the same. To experience life in the real sense, to feel the mud between his toes and the sticky, drippy, sweet taste of melting popsicles down his arms – even if he is being yelled at to take it outside – because that’s really life.


2 thoughts on “I found my tribe

  1. Barbi, this is inspiring!

    I am totally on board with your parenting values, and you have the tribe I always wanted to find when my children were younger, but never really did.

    Now that my youngest is 8 (and I was 42 when he was born — don’t do the math!), and my eldest 17, I can say that your wishes are all very do-able. And you won’t ever regret them! (Well, maybe the popsicles…be a better teeth brusher than I was!)

    1. Thank you Janet. That means a lot to me to hear it from another mom who has gone the route ahead of me. I feel very fortunate to have found these Tribe Moms and lucky to actually call them friends.

      Although, as you say you didn’t quite find the same tribe, I am impressed with your ability to stay the course of your parenting beliefs and sort of go it alone. My apron is off to you.

      Thanks for your comment, and don’t worry, math is not my strong suit 😉


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