Age… You’d Think You’d Know By Now

Barbi Jane lifting at the gym

At 52 you’d think I’d know what it is that I want, what I need.

For god’s sake I’ve had a lifetime to “get to know myself,” yet I wake up and wonder why I’m angry, hungry, frustrated.

I used to be ripped, fit and L. O. V. E. D. my body like ever before and I was 47 YEARS OLD when that happened!!

Who the hell knows and while I contemplate what is amiss, I’ll just sit back, Bloody Mary in hand, stretched out in a middle seat, 30,000 feet above sea level and think, “ummm if I’m in love with my life does it matter why I’m hungry, angry and frustrated?”

Maybe this is it. Maybe, as I’ve always lived my life, that it just is, as it always has been, no real planning, just along for the ride, a lot of it by the seat of my pants. I’ve been a huge advocate for this kind of living life, I tell others to just sit back and live the life you’re in. You’ll miss so fucking much if you don’t.

At the end of the day life is about living a life that makes you happy, content, successful and one that allows you to give back to the world all you know, with a gracious heart.

That’s what the answer is. Life life to your fullest. Give what your spirit will allow with out it swallowing you and your finances whole. Lead by beautiful example. Be your most amazing, beautiful self, cause you know you’re in there, just waiting for the whistle to blow, to bolt out of those chalks, leaving your mark, setting the world on fire with your amazing gifts, with your own “brand” of unique you.

Like writer’s block, maybe I have “goals block.” I’ve wallowed in my lack of self acceptance, lack of motivation, fully loaded with despair, anger and disappointment at muse and who I am and how I’ve gotten here. I’m even hiding out from my own fear (something I loath and never do!!) and certainly I have not been leading by beautiful example!

So yeah, I can find my way back to the smoking hot MILF I was a few short years ago, but in the meantime, maybe my road block is about living and leading by beautiful example. To appreciate where I am at this exact place in time, physically.

Maybe if I take my own advice, maybe some of the anger, hunger and frustration will dissipate and the anchor that’s been my carnal body, my holy grail, might just appear, or it’ll get easier. Maybe, and who knows, maybe I’ll quit giving a fuck and find some other new amazing holy grail.

So without further adieu, I will leave you (okay me really), these hashtag thoughts. But, I want to know which or if any of these resonate with you and how so.

Tell me know what you’re struggling with and my assignment to you is to attach them to something and tell my why. Tell me where I can find them so that we can learn more about each other and, so we can cheer each other on and support one another.

#Acceptance. #OwnWhoYouAreRightNow! #LeadByBeautifulExample. #NeverBackDownFromFear.

I look forward to hearing from you all 😃

Au revoi, adios mis amigos y amigas, ciao miei buoni amici!


Love, Peace & Adventure,


One thought on “Age… You’d Think You’d Know By Now

  1. Oh gosh I hear you! For me it is hormones … those pesky buggers. It meant I had to change my diet and increase the work outs. Eat 1/3 less and train 1/3 more. It has also been navigating the balance beam of complacency and effort….it teeters a lot … but when the effort is inspired effort (not self judgement) it seems to be more fun. Love you and your writing! Thank you for making me think!

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